"Transformative Coaching: Harnessing the Essence of "The Four Agreements" in Wrestling"

One of my favorite and most impactful reads is Don Miguel Ruiz's "The Four Agreements." This simple and wise book never fails to offer fresh insights every time I return to it. I'm excited to break down how the Four Agreements can serve as a simple yet excellent guide for shaping the culture within your wrestling team. These agreements can be applied in business, at home, and all areas of life. These four agreements are: Be impeccable with your word, Don't make assumptions, Don't take anything personally, and Always do your best. Today, let's focus on the first agreement - "Be impeccable with your word" - and explore its significance in our culture.

Being impeccable with your word can be further understood through three key aspects: refraining from using words as weapons, staying true to our promises and commitments, and being mindful of our self-talk.

When I first began coaching, I was bursting with enthusiasm and had big plans for the team. Excitedly, I'd share the different visions I had of getting awesome new uniforms, attending prestigious tournaments or camps, and more. Sometimes these seemingly insignificant intentions turned into empty promises. It became evident that such a pattern eroded the team's trust in their leader, leaving them uncertain about when I was speaking truthfully. I had to do some introspection and set a new rule for myself: I won't make a promise unless I'm absolutely certain I can deliver on it. My word became my world. Similarly, I emphasized to the athletes not to make commitments they couldn't or wouldn't uphold. Bringing attention to the alignment between intention and action can significantly impact ownership and accountability. This facet of our culture also empowers us to engage in candid conversations with athletes, such as inquiring about their injuries or whether the injury is concealing underlying fears of losing.

Words possess immense power, and as coaches, we must be cautious not to wield them as weapons. Gossiping or spreading lies among team members can sow seeds of conflict, which undermines the already challenging sport of wrestling. I learned this lesson during my second year as head wrestling coach when our most decorated wrestler faced a tough loss. I muttered some words to my assistant coach about his performance, not realizing that a younger wrestler overheard. A year later, the same wrestler shared how those words had impacted him, fearing he'd disappoint me if he didn't perform well. It was a wake-up call for me to be absolutely impeccable with my word. Even if our intentions aren't negative, our words can still have unintended harmful effects. As coaches, our words should motivate, inspire, and uplift our athletes.

Lastly, we must apply the first agreement to our self-talk, which can often be our harshest critic. Cultivating self-talk that is compassionate, kind, and supportive is crucial. When we trust ourselves, we become more willing to take risks and push our limits. As coaches, we can encourage a growth and gain mindset, so fear of failure doesn't hold our athletes back. Providing tools like the signal lights tool can help athletes become aware of their self-talk and identify limiting beliefs. This awareness empowers them to recognize that these limitations are just agreements they made with themselves and can be changed.

By cultivating an environment where our words uplift and inspire, where commitments are honored with integrity, and where self-talk is consistently compassionate and supportive, we lay the groundwork for a culture that thrives on trust, accountability, and personal growth. As coaches, we hold the key to nurturing this empowering atmosphere, ultimately fostering success both on and off the wrestling mat.