"Journey to the Depths: Embracing Fear and Finding Inner Light"
"Once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right."
This is a beautiful story that my wife, Annie, wrote, and I wanted to share it. Sometimes the fear of the unknown causes us to stay stagnant, even when our spirit is whispering for us to go on an adventure and explore. When we're willing to embrace the unknown and the full spectrum of emotions that accompany it – joy, sadness, light, darkness, and everything in between – we can enjoy the full vibrancy of life and the human experience. Sometimes when there is the most resistance, that's the sign to jump into the deep water. I invite you to reach out to Annie if you need a guide on your journey. Thank you for reading, and sending everyone peace and love! -JB
"Journey to the Depths: Embracing Fear and Finding Inner Light"
Annie Bonifas
During my first scuba dive, I barely managed to descend 2 feet underwater before quickly resurfacing, unable to go any further. My mind was flooded with fears of what might happen and the dangers underwater. I frantically kicked at the surface, confusing the unknown as unsafe. At that moment, Cass, my instructor, an 18-year-old from the Netherlands, appeared. I stated, "I am not going." He took one look at me, and it was like he knew what was going through my mind. We had spent the previous two days preparing for this dive, and he knew I was capable. His response was simple but reassuring, "Yes, you are. I've got you." With those words, he guided me back down the rope, slowly leading us 40 feet underwater.
Before a night dive- Koh Tao, Thailand
Despite my initial resistance, I followed his lead. My breathing gradually slowed, and I began to relax and surrender to the underwater world. I observed how the colors dulled, sounds muted, and my voice silenced. The boundary between my skin and the water blurred, and my senses lagged and waned in their power. As I followed Cass, I noticed that, despite having scuba gear in his mouth and being submerged, he was somehow still smiling. I could feel his ease here, and it gave me permission to embrace the moment and explore a mystical and vast underwater world. During our journey, I found myself mesmerized by the coral and the large fish that swam past us.
The ascent was just as disorienting as the descent, a moment of uncertainty, not knowing up from down, with depth and distance appearing elusive. Then, in an instant, I broke the surface, greeted by vibrant colors, sharp boat engine sounds, and wider, brighter smiles than I had remembered from an hour earlier.
Moving through space felt different; my legs felt lighter, and a bubbly sensation coursed through my body. I could feel the breeze on my skin. There was a newfound reverence in every step I took and a deliciousness in every bite of food and sip of a drink. This deep dive had renewed my appreciation for human senses and heightened my awareness of the subtleties of sensation.
I continued to train with Cass for nine more dives. In the vastness of the ocean with its risks and obstacles, he created a safe space for me to expand my underwater range and skills. I followed him through shipwrecks, underwater obstacle courses, to 100-foot depths, and in the dark waters of a night dive. I was given my own GPS to start tracking where I was underwater. Each time resurfacing feeling more ease and confidence.
Recently, I felt drawn back to the depths, not by the South China Sea, but by my inner world. In the days leading up to it, I sensed the pull, but I struggled to stay above the surface. My inner thoughts became intrusive, and my fears created illusions of a dark sea monster who resided in this realm. Once again, I was mistaking the unknown for the unsafe. Eventually, I submerged to the depths, this time in the blueness of my inner world. I found my breath and stopped fighting my presence in this place, surrendering and allowing myself to be there. I felt my senses dampen, losing the distinction between where it began and I ended. I knew though this time was different. It wasn't my first deep dive; I had been here before. All those previous journeys through my inner world became like the metrics on my underwater GPS, guiding me through the valleys, darkness, and past shipwrecks. In this place, where my fears sought refuge, I was reminded of the beauty in the depths, in what usually remains suppressed and unseen. Navigating my inner landscape, I was bringing myself to a sense of ease and fluidity as I traveled these waters back home.
Then, a beam of light from the surface broke through. I was emerging from the blueness, colors once again vibrant, my children's laughter audible, the nip to the air felt across my skin, and the sensation of my legs beneath me. The world was visible without the distortion of my fear goggles, my perspective wider and in higher definition. This experience served as a reminder that it's not about avoiding these depths but rather trusting my ability to be safe in them. It's in these depths that I find a more profound connection to my human experience.
Just as the earth and ocean have their peaks and valleys, so does our human experience. It's in the valleys that the peaks become higher, where we find the sustenance to live and climb the metaphorical mountain. It's in the dark, mysterious waters of our soul that we can uncover the light of our human existence, often overlooked or discounted in our daily lives.
Cass, with his fluidity, comfort, and trust underwater, and his joy for life above, left a lasting impression on me. His ability to see beyond my current fear and know that if I didn't go, I would be denying myself the range of life experiences I longed for. His ability to confidently say, "I've got you," and lead me to face my fears in the moment, showed me the value of embracing these depths and the lightness that awaits on the other side.
Who is your “Cass,"? The person who will skillfully and confidently bring you to meet your edges. Who will see you in a phase of expanding your life, and witness your resistance and fears surface, reminding you there is nothing wrong with a touch of the blues. Encouraging you not to mistake the unknown as a reason to stop but rather as the threshold to exploring a greater depth. Supporting you while you cultivate your own awareness and trust in your inner world, allowing this to become the key to unlocking the presence and brilliance of what you desire in your outer world.