Don't Fight Fear, Let it Flow

I’ll never forget the first time I sat at the top of Gore Rapid, one of the most stunning and technical rapids in Colorado. It’s a moment where anticipation, fear, excitement , and nerves collide. (AFEN)

Anticipation for the ten other class IV/V rapids AFTER gore rapid. Fear of what happens if you mess up in an unforgiving stretch of whitewater. Excitement to run one of the most epic and beautiful stretches of whitewater in the United States. Nerves from the responsibility of guiding others safely down.

The routine was always the same: pull over before the rapid, tighten helmets and PFDs (life vests), reposition everyone in the boat, look over at your friend for a fist bump, and then pull into the current to get pitted.

The mix of excitement, nerves, fear, and anticipation never went away—but it became a familiar feeling. The first time I ran Gore Canyon, that feeling instantly took me back to competing in high school and college wrestling. The warmup before a big match was always equal AFEN.

My body knew—through hundreds of hours of repetition—that the feeling would disappear as soon as the whistle blew, or as soon as the boat hit the current. In both whitewater and wrestling, the presence required either puts you into a state of flow (get it? :) or, at the very least, keeps you grounded and engaged enough to stay out of your head.

What I’ve learned is this: the key is to accept the feeling in your body. The butterflies are beautiful. When we resist, we burn energy fighting what’s natural. When we accept them, we find presence and power. That resistance to AFEN is often why you’ll see a more skilled athlete fade at the end of a match—or why less than 1% of raft guides ever run Gore Canyon.

We like to say things like, “Excitement and anxiety are physiologically the same!” or “I’m just excited.” But that’s not the whole truth. I’m excited and nervous—and a whole lot of other things I can’t even name. But I’ve learned to embrace it.

When we breathe into the constriction, it frees us from the mind’s chatter. Everyone has their own AFEN. Maybe it’s standing on top of a steep ski run with powder under your skis or having a challenging conversation with a colleague. Whatever it is, don’t resist the constriction. Embrace it—it means you’re alive. When you stop fighting the fear and start flowing with it, that’s where the magic happens.

Let the good river flow!