Cultivating Connection
Last week I wrote about connection being a key ingredient in a team's ability to execute and perform. Connection builds trust, fosters self-confidence and belief, and gives courage to aim higher. To cultivate connection a leader can listen and ask powerful questions, give autonomy, and praise before critiquing.
Listen, ask questions, and get curious about the athlete. There is always something behind their words to be revealed. Ask them questions to inquire further into their goals. Perhaps there's an insecurity or greater purpose revealed. Ask "what" questions instead of "why" questions. For example, instead of why do you want to qualify for state, ask what would it mean for you to qualify for state? This will reveal much more about the athlete's motivation. When a coach listens the athlete feels heard and trust grows.
Give the athletes autonomy. Autonomy allows the athlete to take ownership and stay engaged. Have a day where you let the athletes choose the technique they want to work on. Have them teach technique, run a practice, or give a speech to the team. After a tournament ask them what went well and what they think they can improve. Help guide the athlete to their own conclusion about what they can do to achieve their goals.
Use the 2-1 praise-to technique rule. Two statements of praise for every one critique. For example, "I was impressed with your focus before the match and you did a great job staying in your stance. We will work next week to improve your single-leg finish." Avoid critiquing right after a match-let the athlete enjoy the win and learn from the loss. After each tournament have the athlete write six things they did well and three things they could improve. (2-1 praise to critique rule.) When a coach helps the athlete come to their own conclusions on what to improve they're more likely to take ownership and pride in their development, while also feeling supported by the coach.
In business listening, questions, autonomy, and praise can all be applied. Listening and asking powerful questions will reveal what is important to your colleagues and what they value. You can use this to show how your organization's values align with theirs. Give them autonomy to run meetings and lead projects. When giving feedback use the 2-1 rule. The simple question
"What would you do differently?" allows them to come to their own conclusion and opens the door to honest feedback from both parties.
My toddler twins are in the bathroom fumbling around. I hear laughing, water running, and the toilet flush. My first instinct is to rush in and prevent a mess, but I want to give them the autonomy to learn on their own. I walk in and they’re giggling and washing their hands. There's some pee on the floor and soap all over the sink, but one of them managed to poop in the toilet. "Good job going poop in the toilet and washing your hands, but you only need one squirt of soap." "Okay Daddy!" as they run out of the bathroom excited and ready to conquer their next adventure.
Listen. Don't just wait for your turn to talk. Listen. Let your colleagues, athletes, and employees feel heard. This skill alone will set you apart as a leader. Ask powerful questions and get curious. Give autonomy in your organization. This freedom will allow ownership and pride in their work and development. When giving feedback start with authentic praise and ask powerful questions. This empowers them to come to their own conclusions. From this place honest feedback can be more openly received. Once this connection is established the relationships will grow stronger, productivity will soar, and your team will aim higher to execute the mission together.