I recently had a reflective conversation with my wife, Annie, about the journey of 2023. Both of us successfully completed a year-long coaching certification, yet she expressed a sentiment of wanting to achieve more. "Let's talk about it," I suggested, recognizing she was caught in "the gap" – a comparison to an idealized version of oneself. Instead of measuring her progress from the starting point in January, she found herself evaluating against an ideal.
Annie highlighted a significant shift in using her authentic voice more this year than in previous ones. With over 60 hours of coaching, regular yoga teaching, hosting women's circles, and being featured on a podcast with thousands of downloads and views, her accomplishments were substantial. I posed the question, "Do you believe you used your voice more this year than in all the other years of your life combined?" Her response was a resounding "Yes, I think I did." Annie genuinely experienced a MASSIVE year, a fact that might have gone unnoticed without our deliberate discussion about being in the gain instead of the gap.
I extend an invitation for you to embrace the Gain, rather than the Gap, when reflecting on 2023. Compare yourself to the person you were at the start of the year, not an ever-changing ideal or someone else. Our minds tend to lean towards a negativity bias, and without conscious control, you might perceive 2023 as a failure instead of the significant year it truly was. I'd wager you're more likely to uphold your resolutions in 2024 if you frame 2023 through a lens of growth and gratitude, rather than deeming it a failure.
Take a moment with your journal and reflect for five minutes. Here are a few prompts to guide you: Identify both qualitative and quantitative gains. Remember, the past doesn't dictate your present; your present shapes your past.
What are three significant wins you've had in 2023?
What did you say yes to at the start of the year that you say no to now.
What area of your life has changed more in 2023 than all of your previous years combined? (Get creative, have fun)
Here are some of mine:
Three significant wins:
1. I completed an ICF-accredited coaching program.
I'm more present and connected with my wife and children.
I'm getting paid to coach teams and partners with my wife.
www.annieandjordan.com (shameless plug)
I said no to booze and went over 100 days without a sip.
I've engaged in more vulnerable, deep, and authentic conversations with the people closest to me than the rest of my life combined.
You have the power to choose how you frame your past. Opt for gratitude and a growth mindset – the universe is working for you not against you. Alternatively, fall into the role of a victim to the whims of circumstance. The decision is yours.
For a more in-depth exploration of the gap and gain mindset, check out this article I wrote, and consider reading "The Gap and the Gain"
by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy.
Much love,
JB